Do you ever feel lost even if you have something going on at the same time, like a job or relationship? As if its not meant to be but you don’t feel as though it is right to leave it behind yet.
This has been me the past couple of months staying in France. I know this isn’t what I want to do or where I want to live, and getting through the days was becoming a struggle again. I could have packed it all in, and I wanted to, but I felt I had to stay the 6 months. But why? Why would I continue to let myself feel like this?
When I was offered the opportunity to be in France, I knew I had to go. I felt as though this is where I was meant to be at this particular time, despite not knowing the language or anything about where I was going. But I was unhappy and I could not understand why I was here. But finally the reason happened.
I went to a French interpretive dance class, simultaneously learning about their culture, trying something new and gaining insight into my emotions and how to express them. This is the longest (7 months) I’ve gone without going to a dance class in 18 years. Not only did this class reaffirm my love for dance, but also the importance of dance as a form of therapy.
Then I met a girl, a year younger than myself. Quite a rare occurrence in a village of retired people. After the class we got talking as she was also an “outsider”, she came from the United States. Later in the week she came round and told me “her story”. I was blown away. My mind was reopened to the world of possibilities, looking at the peripheral rather than just through the tunnel. She reminded me of my passions. That life is a journey and it takes time, hiccups and bumps to get where you are supposed to be. As hard as it is, you have to try and make the most out of every situation you are in.
That Sunday afternoon I could have stayed in. I was tired (I’ve been running everyday in January for MIND), it was cold, I could have made a thousand excuses not to go. Why bother trying to get acquainted in a town you’re not staying in? But if I was here I may as well embrace every opportunity. You only get out what you put in after all. From this hour and a half class I gained a friend, learned so much (language, movement, life lessons) and a clearer mindset.
I’m on a journey and it is definitely not plain sailing, but my experiences and the people I meet are shaping me and helping me become who and what I need to be in this world, no matter how much I doubt it.
Although I keep an open mind about beliefs, I have 3 major ones:
- Everything happens for a reason, even if you don’t know what the reason is at that point in time. The reason I am in France is to learn and educate myself.
- I am exactly where I am meant to be in my heart even if it doesn’t feel like it in my head.
- There are no such thing as regrets because at one point that is exactly what you wanted. This also links to other two beliefs. I do not regret coming to France, it’s what I wanted, and still want, just not forever.
You could say this event is one big coincidence. And maybe it is. No one will know either way, but what I do know is, just because I am not doing what I want to be doing, I’m not wasting my time. I am continuously learning. Not only about the World, but about myself and only by learning can I teach and help others when they feel like they’re lost and out of their depth.